Friday, 1 July 2011

I have...

image from


There ~ I have now actually said those three little words out loud, my loves *sigh

Do I hear you asking what has brought this on?  Well, I shall tell you: I have been watching programmes about hoarders and it has been making my blood run cold.  I have been watching how these people live and then looking around my own home ~ and realising, with a dreadful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I too am on the slippery slope to becoming totally overwhelmed by all my belongings and drowning poor Adrian and the kids, too.

It is fast approaching some kind of crisis point.  Whilst Beverly has been away, I have been using her bedroom as a depository for all the stuff I have been buying or have been given ~ and I could close the door to hide it from view.  Even though the airing-cupboard is in Beverly's room, which is where I keep our towels, etc, I have been able to "skim over" the accumulation of things each time I needed to go to the cupboard.  In fact, I seem to have developed this "skill" to a fine art over time and that is most definitely NOT "a good thing"!

I seem to be collecting all kinds of things in a totally haphazard, schizophrenic manner.  And I have not been collecting in a slow, thoughtful way either; oh no, it's being done in a mad rush, almost like I need a sort of "fix" :-(  It's got to the point where even I can see that this has to stop; I fear that I am teetering on the edge of being unable to stop.  If I don't pull back now, then I am afraid that I will tumble and fall into a deep, dark chasm and be unable to climb back out again.

This is a scary place to be, sweetie~pies.  Having watched a few of these hoarding programmes, I have come to know and understand what it is that has been driving this urge in me.  I will say now though that whilst I know what has set this off, I do not feel able to share this with you; some things are just too private for public consumption.  I hope you will be understanding of this, please, my loves.

Since Beverly has come home for the summer, I have had to remove all my things from her bedroom.....and there is just nowhere in this house for it to go.  It is currently spread out all over the place: in Adrian's and my bedroom, in the living and dining rooms, in the hall, in the loft.....

And so I have to tackle the problem now, before it gets utterly overwhelming and out-of-control.  I need to reign myself in and decide just what my collecting passion/s really are, since I am not suggesting that I should have none at all!  I need to be objective and listen quietly to that little voice inside of me whispering about those things that truly inspire and captivate me.

You have probably guessed, my loves, that I have been thinking about all this a great deal over these past couple of weeks or so.  Actually, I have been immersed in "deep thoughts" since around the time of my birthday.  It seems that turning 50 has kick-started a lot of thought processes that have been laying dormant for rather a long time!

I rather think that this collect/take-in-and-keep-any-old-thing issue is a way for me to hide from all those aspects of my life that I am unhappy/dissatisfied with.  There really is so much more I could be doing with my life and the time has come when I have to make some pretty big decisions about what I am going to do about all this ~ and, of course, actually act upon those decisions.  I am losing ~ and indeed, have lost ~ precious time, time that I can never regain.  The clock marches relentlessly forwards, taking me with it however much I may want to simply stand still.

Of course, sweetie~pies, I will be sharing my new adventures with you all so keep an eye open for updates yet to come ;-)

1 comment:

Sharon said...

Funny how 5 years ago something was a must keep and now you wonder why you bought the object in the first place!